The Slow Fade Of Love

For someone who pushes away the mere mention of love, it's a wonder why I would crave the attention so much. I have never felt the need to be completed by another, nor have I ever given into commitment. But now, I feel like I want it.

I've been hurt before. Severely. And repeatedly (the 'repeatedly' part, I take the blame for.) So maybe this is why I have given up on the fantasy of loving another, and being loved in return? 

I have said it before, and the idea still holds true, that I will be absolutely satisfied with just a best friend that I can share my life with. I don't need the physical intimacy. I just want to be understood.

Here's the kicker - - I think I may have found what I've been looking for. And then comes the past. The aforementioned 'repeatedly' part, rearing its ugly head for round 50. And I am so quick to slip back into my old ways. Into believing the notion of, "Oh, it's cool. We are just going to be friends. Things are going to be better. It's different this time...I promise." I am calling bullshit on myself. I see the bad moon rising, and I need to choose which path to take; Beauty or Pain. (Some argue there is no distinguishable differences between the two.) 

I am hoping those who have ridden along with me on this journey of hurt and befallen love will guide me to the road happily traveled. 

I don't want to talk about this anymore.

<3tyler

"And so it seems, you've grown up and over me. And these silly things I like to dwell on." - Rilo Kiley