From January 1st, I knew this was going the be the worst year of my life. It was that new-year premonition (caused by influenza) that attracted my thoughts to the dark side. I mean, good things happened (ex. meeting lindsay lohan, zac efron, etc...haha) but it was around april 21st that things got shitty. My older brother died. I won't go into detail about that now because it is the primary reason why my life has been in the dumps. Shortly after, I got in a car crash, where the car was totaled. Few weeks later, I moved back to Los Angeles, only to be greeted by the monster of anxiety. For those who don't understand anxiety attacks, it is basically an instant wave of panic that overcomes you, causing you to shake, lose circulation, often faint, and cry. Lots. It's an alarm of impending doom. It was a result of the stress mountain I had been building in previous months. It became clear to me that in the next few days, I had to move back home.
Most recently, I spent several months living practically in the wilderness, trying to "find myself" and "reevaluate my situation." I lived next to a lake, beach, and forest. I learned to fish, and to love nature. It was beauty. And while I was able to learn a plethora of information about myself and how I feel, I still have a bit of an issue to deal with. WHAT in the HELL am I DOING with my LIFE?!
I grew up knowing one thing, and one thing only; That I wanted to be famous. I didn't care how or when, I just knew it had to happen. I felt that my presence in this world needed to be broadcast. And I clearly do not mean this as a "cop out," but I have NEVER had the urge to work. ("work" as defined: part time job. doing the same thing every day. fast food. retail. and the like.) Rather, I wanted to have a purpose, and to thrive in that purpose, and to share that purpose with the world. I turned to acting, musical theatre, dancing, and they felt perfect...for a while. Now, I am just kind of over all that. I still appreciate the performing arts, but I no longer feel welcome in that community. (Maybe Hollywood changed me!) So then, I turned to the movie industry. I will not dwell, but I will leave that subject with one word: Fail.
I am currently looking into Photography as a career. I am the first to admit that I have a good eye, and am rather gifted in this area. Though I have had no professional training, I feel like I could be a great photog some day. But do I have the drive? I guess we'll see.
I'm still crossing my fingers for my reality show. I will not divulge that information as of yet. But trust me...It's a work of genius.
I love you. Goodnight.
<3tyler
"No one ever said it would be this hard. Oh, take me back to the start." - Coldplay
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